Here’s an idea I had today:

Assumption #1: fat kids would be happier and more self-confident if they were thinner, because let’s face it, we live in a pretty superficial society.

Assumption #2: unhealthy, processed, and calorie-rich foods are cheaper than nutritious foods cooked from raw ingredients.

Corollary #1: there are a lot of fat, poor inner-city kids with low self-esteem.

I propose we start a charity where you “adopt” a fat inner-city child and donate money towards having the child get liposuction. Bare with me here, please. This will result in thinner, happier, and more confident children, which can only be good for society in the long run.

As a great side-effect of all this liposuction, we will generate large amounts of unneeded human fat which can be burned as an alternative fuel source for our cars. The same company can run the lipo charity fund AND sell the resultant fuel for profit!

With one initiative we can both increase the quality of life of inner-city youth, and free us from reliance on oil. I foresee a future where the obese will not be stigmatized, but rather lauded for their effort to provide alternative sources of energy back to society.

This post is obviously tongue-in-cheek, but I challenge you to tell me why this idea won’t work.

Discuss.