You are currently browsing the tag archive for the 'parenthood' tag.
It’s shortly after midnight and I can’t fall asleep. I’m laying in bed next to my sleeping wife, hot and restless. In four months this will all change. In just four months we’ll go from being Zvi And Miriam, something I’ve enjoyed for nine years, to Zvi And Miriam… And Baby.
When we found out Miriam was pregnant this all seemed so remote and distant. Something for future-us to worry about. Now it seems like the last five months have just whipped by and our lives will change in no time at all. They already are changing. I feel the changes happening in my mind. I’m growing up, maturing.
Until recently I used to joke that I still felt like a twelve year old. I couldn’t believe that grown-up things were happening to me. Graduating university, getting my first real job, my own car, MARRIED! These all felt like things I didn’t have any right to claim as my own. I was watching people confuse me for an adult and giggling like mad about it. Then, something changed. I started thinking that being 12 was pretty immature. I’m now much more of a 15 year-old, but that phase lasted only a few months. And then, amazingly, adulthood descended on me. It still is. I’m married. I mean, I have a wife! Someone to protect. Someone to take care of. Suddenly a job is not just a thing I’m expected to do and something I enjoy, but a salary. A means to pay for a house. I have responsibilities, even more so now with a baby soon to arrive, I’m *needed*. The enormity of this is keeping me up tonight.
I’m not scared, strangely. I thought I would be terrified of this, and when I was 12 year-old me I *was* terrified of this. Somehow this rapid maturing took away the fear. I’m excited. Anxious. I want this little person to call me Daddy. I want to teach it how to be an awesome person. Awesomer than I ever was.
This is a post about growing up. About maturing when I have to and not a minute before. About getting to the right stage in life when I get there and enjoying the journey. I guess this is how it works. Knowing someone depends on you means you have a choice to make. Accept the responsability and provide, or stay 12 years old and afraid.
Any monkey can become a parent. I really want to be a Daddy.
But I still can’t fall asleep.
